Today is my official last day of maternity leave. I've been out of work since August 1, when I went on bedrest. I start back tomorrow part-time, on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8:30-1:30 until Isaac gets a spot in the daycare at my school. So, at least I get to ease back into it. But I am terrified about leaving my little boy with strangers. The part-time daycare we've choses seems great, the people already love him. He will be the youngest baby they have. He'll be loved and held and spoiled, but he won't be with me :( I know it will get easier, but my heart is just breaking. I am so conflicted. I no I don't want to be a stay-at-home-mom, all I do is sit in front of the tv all day long, and I do miss my work. But I hate missing out on anything in his life, and I hate that someone else will be there for him besides his mommy. I guess one of my biggest fears is that he's going to love it and end up liking his caregiver more than his mommy. I know that won't happen, and by choosing
to breastfeed and continuing to after I go back to work, I know that I have taken a wonderful step in establishing a powerful bond between us that cannot be easily broken. Only Mommy can provide that kind of love and nourishment. We will always have special moments each day where we can completely focus on each other, even after spending hours apart. But man, I'm going to miss my little man so much.
to breastfeed and continuing to after I go back to work, I know that I have taken a wonderful step in establishing a powerful bond between us that cannot be easily broken. Only Mommy can provide that kind of love and nourishment. We will always have special moments each day where we can completely focus on each other, even after spending hours apart. But man, I'm going to miss my little man so much.Another bit of news that I'm really excited about: I'm going to become a milk donor! I have 90+ bags of breastmilk in my freezer with anywhere from 3-8oz in each. Whew, that's a lot of milk! The reason I have so much is because Isaac was a premmie, I was told to pump after I nursed him each and every time for the first month to help establish and maintain my milk production, since he was too small to eat enough to keep it up. Well, turns out I am a great lactater and began overproducing big time. It's under control now, but as a result I have a surplus of milk that I could never use up before it goes bad. There is a mother's milk bank that accepts donated milk to give to babies, many premature like Isaac, whose mother's are not able to breastfeed, either because of hospitalization or lack of sufficient milk production. As an immunologist, I am well aware that breastmilk is BY FAR the best nourishment an infant can receive, when possible (decreases risk of illness/infection, greatly enhances brain development, easier to digest than formula), and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to help out other little ones in need of this liquid gold. See, God had a plan!! I have been blessed with the ability to provide for not only my own child, but for others as well. I worked so hard pumping that milk day and night and suffered many uncomfortbale symptoms that an oversupply can cause, and it will not have to go down the drain. Just look how healthy Isaac looks - those chubby little cheeks, gaining a pound a week - now another baby will have the same opportunity. I may even continue to become an ongoing donor throught the next year or more until Isaac is weaned. Check out all this milk! (I finally figured out how to freeze the bags flat to save space.
